Waves

I'm not one to get to gushy... you know emotional..  Feelings have never been easy for me.  I like to keep myself between "fine" and "frustrated" so as to avoid any of the real mushy feelings.  Lately though, I find myself with these huge waves of emotions that are neither fine nor frustrated. 

We  hosted a combination 5th birthday celebration for P and farewell to the Fort BBQ on Sunday.  It was great.  I mean really great.  There was an amazing group of people all gathered on my patio to see us "one last time" before we fly.  We had burgers, laughed, played Frozen trivia (the adults were great sports)... but every so often I'd just look around and notice the faces of my dear friends/family and I'd get hit with a wave.  They are a lovely group.  Truly kind and genuine people who would give you the shirt off their backs if they thought it would help you out.  (I'm reserving a post for the party when I get the pictures back... more later)

Just as we were wrapping up the party, a good friend hugged me and started crying.  I was hit with another wave.  I'm really going to miss her (her hubs and baby girl too)!  We went on a vegan health kick together...  We mourned the loss of her first baby over soup and chose a tree to plant in memory of the sweet life.  When her little girl was born almost 8 months ago, I was able to help her out in ways that others had helped me when I was a first time mom (and struggling deeply).  As we became God parents to her sweet E, I was hit with a wave of gratitude for the friendship that has been forged between us. 

Another friend, who stayed late to visit and help out was cleaning my kitchen while I held her sleeping baby (1.5 months old and sugar sweet).  I was hit with another wave...  We met when she first arrived in the Fort.  She came shopping at a garage sale I was having.  We clicked right away and have been friends since then (I can't believe it's been years and I'm still "garage sale K").  We've supported each other through a lot.. a lot.  She's always up for getting together, is super generous, a loving mom and wife, and just a thoughtful person.  I appreciate C's friendship so much!  When I got to be one of the first to meet her new beauty, I was so blessed to hold the new life and enjoy the first loves.  I can't imagine life without her and her beauties..

When we first moved to the Fort, we lived next to an amazing family that has become our family too.  There is too much to say about the M's.  They are devoted to their family and friends in a way that I've rarely seen, let alone been part of.  As she came to drop off tables and chairs for the BBQ, I was hit with a tremendous wave of grief and thankfulness..  A took care of my P when I was in the hospital having M.  She was one of the first to meet him in the NICU.  Her girls have been wonderful friends to my kids and P is going to miss her N deeply.  The whole family brightly shines and I can't say enough about them.  There's no replacing friends like these. 

My P was playing in the pool with her little friend M (not my son, a little lady).  The two were squealing and I was encouraging them to squeal more quietly when yet another wave crashed over me.  We've known little M since she was born, in fact I met her parents E and R just before she was born.  I sold her some baby items on Craigslist.  We clicked and kept in touch after M was born.  I ended up babysitting her a day or two a week and loving her so much.  E and I were quick friends and were able to forge a deep friendship that I appreciate so much.  She told me that she was pregnant at just 6 weeks along and I got to see the steady changes over the next 34 weeks until her beauty was born with a full head of gorgeous brown hair and sweet little face.  I can't imagine seeing her for the last time before we leave for Qatar... 

There are some people who's hearts are just so big.  Our friends M and B are two such people and we just adore them (as do our children).  As B was taking pictures of the party (can't wait to see them) and M was gushing over the cute kids I was hit with a wave of love and appreciation.  M has just a heart for justice and for helping people.  B is such a sweet soul and my P and M just love him.  They babysat for us on several occasions so A and I could get out alone.  Anyone who knows us, knows how rare it is to find people that our kids will stay with... Their little faces would light up as they fidgeted around anticipating M and B's arrival each time and there would be fun stories afterward.  They are just really fun friends that we appreciate so much.  We have it on good authority that we will be getting a date night when they come to visit... 

There were so many more waves that hit me at the party and more as the days go on.  I'm like a blubbering mess of emotional waves.  I wish I could write about each person who has meant so much to us.. but that would literally take ages. 

Here are a few other waves I've been hit with recently:
My children have had all their birthdays here.
My son was born here.
A and I pursued and failed at adoption here.
We had our first (and second) home as a family.
We bought a minivan!!
We made friends, lost friends, loved deeply, hurt deeply... 

I'm actually glad I'm being hit by waves.  They are beautiful.. sometimes overwhelming, but beautiful.  I know there will be more, there always are.  I think this time I will feel each one and put aside the space between fine and frustrated.  Well.. I will try.